catching up

I am not doing 20-30. I had ideas for 20 to 30 but that was weeks ago and now they have slipped my mind and then I got busy. Being here with Easton, Weston, and Ellie is a full time job-24/7-no sick days, no breaks. Ellie is almost 9 months old. Her newest thing is that if she doesn't see me, she shrieks. I thought she wasn't going to have stranger anxiety but I was wrong. I am not sure how it is going to go if she goes back to Tennessee for awhile. Adam said he wishes I would let her come back but after Avery basically forgot me and didn't call me Mama for months, I will hang onto Ellie as long as I can. As usual, I miss Adam and the kids back home. They are coming up next week and I am trying to figure out if I could keep one up here with me. Avery came and stayed for 2 weeks and it was very hard but I was glad to see her. Weston isn't doing well enough for me to feel ok to leave him. He has had 2 very hard weeks but seems to be doing better since getting a new broviac. We went and looked at apartments last week. While I love GOL, it is clear that we need a bigger space for my sanity. Imagine yourself in one room with a baby and a 7 year old that talks constantly-all day-everyday-and my only "break" is coming to the hospital where we add in Weston. I never get to have a conversation with anyone without little ears listening. Maybe that is what makes me the most weary? Apartment hunting in the city is interesting-probably because I have never lived in a city apartment. One that we looked at was MUCH nicer than we needed but it was neat to look at-like off of a movie. Adam is coming to do a final walk through of the apartment that I liked the best. It is 3 bedrooms and within walking distance to CHOP which is a huge plus. We are busy planning Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas. Some days, it is overwhelming to think that we are still here. I can't even wrap my head around how we got here. Most days, I wonder how we will function in the regular world after Weston's transplant. One day at a time, right? I know my posts are random and sporadic-that is just how life is right now. My mind goes 90 miles an hour in about 50 different directions.